What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

How do you handle your mother-in-law after you heard her talking badly about you in the next room?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?

True - how I loved my mum!

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

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What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Do you know what she said mum?

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”